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(Stephen Sondheim)

Lyrics

[Dialogue]
MRS. LOVETT : Well you know me, bright ideas just pop into me head and I keep thinking

[Mrs. Lovett]
Seems a down right shame
[Todd]
Shame?
[Mrs. Lovett]
Seems and awful waste
Such a nice plump frame
What's his name has...had...has
Nor it can't be traced.

Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift, if you get my drift
No?
Seems an awful waste

I mean, with the price of meat
What it is, when get it
If you get it
[Todd]
Hah!
[Mrs. Lovett]
Good you got it
Take for instance Mrs. Mooney
And her pie shop
Business never better
Using only pussycats and toast
And a pussy's good for maybe
Six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare
As far as taste

[Todd]
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion,
Eminently practical
[Mrs. Lovett]
Well it does seem a waste
[Todd]
And yet appropriate as always
Mrs. Lovett, how I lived without you
All these years
I'll never know
[Mrs. Lovett]
Think about it
[Todd]
How delectable!
[Mrs. Lovett]
Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be comin'
[Todd]
Also undetectable.
[Mrs. Lovett]
For a shave, won't they?
[Todd]
How choice
[Mrs. Lovett]
Think of all them
[Todd]
How rare.
[Mrs. Lovett]
Pies!

[Todd]
For what's the sound of the
World out there?
[Mrs. Lovett]
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
[Todd]
Those crunching noises
Pervading the air
[Mrs. Lovett]
Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, Mr. Todd
Yes all around
[Todd]
It's man devouring, man, my dear
[Both]
Then who are we to deny it in here?

[Dialogue]
TODD : Ah, these are desperate times Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures must be taken.
MRS. LOVETT :Here we are! Hot from the oven.
TODD : What is that?

[Mrs. Lovett]
It's priest
Have a little priest
[Todd]
Is it really good?
[Mrs. Lovett]
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again they don't commit
Sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh

[Todd]
Awful lot of fat
[Mrs. Lovett]
Only where it sat
[Todd]
Haven't you got poet
Or something like that?
[Mrs. Lovett]
No, you see the trouble with poet
Is how do you it's deceased?
Try the priest

[Dialogue]
TODD : Mmm, heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either.
MRS. LOVETT : Good for business too. Always leaves you wanting more, trouble is we only get it on Sundays.

[Mrs. Lovett]
Lawyer's rather nice
[Todd]
It is for a price
[Mrs. Lovett]
Order something else though to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice
[Todd]
Anything that's lean?
[Mrs. Lovett]
Well, then, if your British and loyal
You might enjoy royal marine
Anyway, it's clean
Though, of course
It tastes of wherever it's been

[Todd]
Is that squire on the fire?
[Mrs. Lovett]
Mercy, no sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer
[Todd]
Looks thicker,
More like vicar
[Mrs. Lovett]
No, it has to be grocer
It's green!

[Todd]
The history of the world, my love
[Mrs. Lovett]
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
[Todd]
Is those below serving those up above
[Mrs. Lovett]
Everybody shaves
so there should be plenty of flavors
[Todd]
How gratifying for once to know
[Both]
That those above will serve those down below

[Dialogue]
MRS. LOVETT : Now, let's see we've got tinker?
TODD : Something pinker
MRS. LOVETT : Tailor?
TODD : Something paler.
MRS. LOVETT : Potter?
TODD : Something hotter?
MRS. LOVETT : Butler?
TODD : Something...subtler.
MRS. LOVETT : Locksmith?

[Mrs. Lovett]
Lovely bit of clerk
[Todd]
Maybe for a lark
[Mrs. Lovett]
Then again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier
Peak of his career
[Todd]
Ugh, that looks pretty rank
[Mrs. Lovett]
Well, he drank
No, it's bank cashier
Never really sold
Maybe it was old
[Todd]
Have you any Beadle?
[Mrs. Lovett]
Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad til you smell it
And notice how well it's been greased
Stick to priest!

[Dialogue]
MRS. LOVETT : Now this may be a bit stringy, but then of course it's fiddle player.
TODD : That's not fiddle player, that's piccolo player.
MRS. LOVETT : How can you tell?
TODD : It's piping hot!
MRS. LOVETT : Then blow on it first!

[Todd]
The history of the world, my sweet
[Mrs. Lovett]
Oh, Mr. Todd
Ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?
[Todd]
Is who gets eaten
And who gets to eat
[Mrs. Lovett]
And Mr. Todd
Too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell
[Todd]
But fortunately it's also clear
[Both]
That everybody goes down well with beer!

[Dialogue]
MRS. LOVETT : Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about rear admiral?
TODD : Too salty, I prefer general.
MRS. LOVETT : With or without his privates?...With is extra.
TODD : What is that?

[Mrs. Lovett]
It's fop-- finest in the shop
Or we have shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top
And I've just began
That's a politician so oily
It's served with doily
Not one
[Todd]
Put it on a bun
Well you never know
If it's going to run

[Mrs. Lovett]
Try the friar
Fried is drier
[Todd]
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy
[Mrs. Lovett]
Then actor
That's compacter
[Todd]
Yes, and always arrives overdone
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu!

[Dialogue]
MRS. LOVETT : Wait, true we don't have judge yet, but would you settle for the next best thing?
TODD : What's that?
MRS. LOVETT : Executioner!

[Todd]
Have charity towards the world, my pet
[Mrs. Lovett]
Yes, yes I know, my love
[Todd]
We'll take the costumers that we can get
[Mrs. Lovett]
High born and low, my love
[Todd]
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
[Both]
Meaning anyone
And to anyone
At all!